sorry guys, this e-mail was supposed to have been deleted due to its lengthy content and all of the bitching. i had a cog while i was writing it how unimportant it all was now. lol. i hit the delete and today to my shock here it was. it had gone through anyway. i really have no charge on it anymore at all. that is all in the past and a done deal. i am not now and never will be affliated with those types of beings again. anyway sorry it went through. i want to keep my comm more up tone. i want to announce i am done bitching about things and people. my own cog. no other reason than some cogs i have had in the last couple of days. i had this huge realization yesterday. something had happened the night before. the man across the street who is elderly and all alone since his wife died last year had the ambulance come to pick him up. i don't know why but while i was watching it all, i felt kind of odd. the next day i realized what it was. i realized how much modern man (maybe because of his plight with earning money, etc. and having a hard time surviving for himself) thinks very little of anyone BUT himself and his own survival anymore. this has been a steady progression in this universe - unlike days where people would just get help for the sake of a pure heart. you know, you are lost or your car breaks down and you can just count on some stranger coming up and helping you in some way. now people are far too much in fear for any of that. and also it seems now everyone has to have something in return or they will not help. help seems to be kind of topsy turvy on earth right now. anyway, i realized i was just one of that same rat pack. in the year after his wife died, i had not gone over one time to ask if he needed anything or to offer my help as a terminal. i don't even know why i did not except that i was so engrossed in my own self and my own problems that i did not even think about it. no one else in the neighborhood did either. so today i am going to do so - if he is home from the hospital. so in the last day i have learned another thing i disagree with that the c of s drummed into me. it was all the hoopla and mental engraving about exchange and how paranoid people are about being out in this area. ron also once said that "what you outflow, you will inflow." to be this seems senior to anything. it is the same as saying what goes around, comes around. the exchange datum seems to have been taken to extremes with scientologists. i think someone could be laying on the side of the road dying and would be charged money for a touch assist before they were helped and maybe even made to pay up front. lol. this does not mean that i don't believe in exchange. it just means i think many have lost their heart in so called modern times. :) i have decided to get mine back.